The Couch Lock Classic Rating System

How high do I need to be to enjoy this?

Introducing a rating system based on You.
Even a masterpiece can be miserable if you're not in the right frame of mind.

Browse the list.

Leave a rating.

The Scale:

AAAAA (Kung Fury)
“I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra. I blacked out.”

AAAA (Quad)
Higher than a bat’s ass.

AAA (Trip)
Bombed.

AA (Dub)
Buzzed

A (Spice 99)
Viewing while altered could cause long term psychological effects.

65 (2023)

65 (2023)

65 million years ago, the only 2 survivors of a spaceship from Somaris that crash-landed on Earth must fend off dinosaurs and reach the escape vessel in time before an imminent asteroid strike threatens to destroy the planet.

read more
In Fabric (2018)

In Fabric (2018)

A haunting ghost story set against the backdrop of a busy winter sales period in a department store, following the life of a cursed dress as it passes from person to person, with devastating consequences.

read more
Simulant (2023)

Simulant (2023)

Faye attempts to replace her newly deceased husband, Evan, with an android simulant (SIM). Although SIM Evan appears like human Evan in every way, Faye does not feel the same love for SIM Evan as it does for her. SIM Evan tries to win Faye back while at the same time being on-the-run from a government agent chasing down SIMs who have become “conscious” and could potentially be a threat to humankind.

read more
Blackbeard’s Ghost (1968)

Blackbeard’s Ghost (1968)

The eponymous wraith returns to Earth to aid his descendant, elderly Emily Stowecroft. The villains want to kick Emily and her friends out of their group home so that they can build a crooked casino. Good guy Steve Walker gets caught in the middle of the squabble after evoking Blackbeard’s ghost.

read more
Pure (2019)

Pure (2019)

Teen girls perform a secret ritual at a Purity Retreat and, when one of them begins to see a supernatural entity, the terrifying question becomes what is more dangerous: the demon they’ve unleashed, or the pressure of their controlling fathers.

read more
The Voices (2014)

The Voices (2014)

A mentally unhinged factory worker must decide whether to listen to his talking cat and become a killer, or follow his dog’s advice to keep striving for normalcy.

read more
Mortal (2020)

Mortal (2020)

A young boy must discover the origins of his extraordinary powers before he is captured by authorities hell-bent on condemning him for an accidental murder.

read more
High Heat (2022)

High Heat (2022)

When the local mafia shows up to burn down her restaurant, Ana, a chef with a meticulous past, defends her turf and proves her knife skills both in and out of the kitchen.

read more
Legions (2022)

Legions (2022)

While evil forces descend on Argentina, humanity’s best hope, a once-legendary shaman is confined to an insane asylum, powerless to avert the demonic resurrection.

read more
Shin Ultraman (2022)

Shin Ultraman (2022)

The Japanese government sets up a special task force to fight the giant creatures suddenly appearing across the country. Soon, the squad unexpectedly meets a giant silver humanoid who starts appearing every time a space monster attacks!

read more
Super Hybrid (2010)

Super Hybrid (2010)

Late one night, a mysterious car is brought into the Chicago police impound garage after a deadly traffic accident. The on-call mechanics soon discover the car has a mind of its own. With hundreds of horsepower and two tons of reinforced steel at its command, it’s a seemingly unstoppable killing machine capable of outrunning — and outwitting — humans.

read more
The Magical World of Moss (2023)

The Magical World of Moss (2023)

They have no roots, no seeds, no flowers, but mosses show immense survival capacities and can suspend their biological activity for long periods. Today, researchers are exploring the exceptional resistance of these archaic organisms. British ecologists have even resurrected a “zombie” moss that has been trapped in the permafrost for 1,500 years. Associated with decay and disliked in Europe, mosses are deified in Japan. With 25,000 species worldwide, bryophytes – their scientific name – are the seat of real ecosystems, and can develop in inhospitable landscapes, through an extravagant reproduction cycle.

read more
Violent Night (2022)

Violent Night (2022)

When a team of mercenaries breaks into a wealthy family compound on Christmas Eve, taking everyone inside hostage, the team isn’t prepared for a surprise combatant: Santa Claus is on the grounds, and he’s about to show why this Nick is no saint.

read more
Color Out of Space (2019)

Color Out of Space (2019)

The Gardner family moves to a remote farmstead in rural New England to escape the hustle of the 21st century. They are busy adapting to their new life when a meteorite crashes into their front yard, melts into the earth, and infects both the land and the properties of space-time with a strange, otherworldly colour. To their horror, the family discovers this alien force is gradually mutating every life form that it touches—including them.

read more