The Couch Lock Classic Rating System

How high do I need to be to enjoy this?

Introducing a rating system based on You.
Even a masterpiece can be miserable if you're not in the right frame of mind.

Browse the list.

Leave a rating.

The Scale:

AAAAA (Kung Fury)
“I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra. I blacked out.”

AAAA (Quad)
Higher than a bat’s ass.

AAA (Trip)
Bombed.

AA (Dub)
Buzzed

A (Spice 99)
Viewing while altered could cause long term psychological effects.

Alien Nation (1988)

Alien Nation (1988)

Detective Matthew Sikes, a Los Angeles police officer reluctantly works with “Newcomer” alien George Francisco. Sikes also has an ‘on again off again’ flirtation with a female Newcomer, Cathy Frankel.

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The Witch Part 1. The Subversion (2018)

The Witch Part 1. The Subversion (2018)

Ja-yoon is a high school student who struggles with memory loss after she endured some unknown trauma during her childhood. While trying to uncover the truth, she is unwittingly dragged into a world of crime and finds herself on a journey that will awaken many secrets hidden deep within.

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The Portable Door (2023)

The Portable Door (2023)

Paul and Sophie, interns at a mysterious London firm, become steadily aware their employers Humphrey and Dennis are anything but conventional – they are disrupting the world of magic by bringing modern corporate strategy to ancient magical practices.

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Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

Max imagines running away from his mom and sailing to a far-off land where large talking beasts—Ira, Carol, Douglas, the Bull, Judith and Alexander—crown him as their king, play rumpus, build forts and discover secret hideaways.

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Hatching (2022)

Hatching (2022)

12 year old Tinja is desperate to please her mother, a woman obsessed with presenting the image of a perfect family. One night, Tinja finds a strange egg. What hatches is beyond belief.

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Monster Hunter (2020)

Monster Hunter (2020)

A portal transports Cpt. Artemis and an elite unit of soldiers to a strange world where powerful monsters rule with deadly ferocity. Faced with relentless danger, the team encounters a mysterious hunter who may be their only hope to find a way home.

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The Recall (2017)

The Recall (2017)

When five friends vacation at a remote lake house, they expect nothing less then a good time, unaware that Earth is under attack by an alien invasion and mass-abductions.

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Anything for Jackson (2020)

Anything for Jackson (2020)

A bereaved Satanist couple kidnap a pregnant woman so they can use an ancient spellbook to put their dead grandson’s spirit into her unborn child, but they end up summoning more than they bargained for.

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Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

Two hillbillies are suspected of being killers by a group of paranoid college kids camping near the duo’s West Virginian cabin. As the body count climbs, so does the fear and confusion as the college kids try to seek revenge against the pair.

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Alien Implant (2017)

Alien Implant (2017)

A brilliant female recluse sends a distress signal into outer space from a remote location. When the Aliens arrive, they realize it’s not a distress signal, it’s an ingenious trap designed to exact revenge on the extraterrestrials who abducted her as a child.

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Deus (2022)

Deus (2022)

A mysterious black sphere is discovered in the orbit of Mars. The Achilles is sent to investigate. After the bedraggled six-person crew wake from eight months hibernation, the Sphere is transmitting a single word in every Earth language ever known – Deus.

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Saturn 3 (1980)

Saturn 3 (1980)

In the future, Earth is overcrowded and the population relies on distant bases to be fed. In the Saturn 3 station, Major Adam and the scientist Alex, who is also his lover and has never been on Earth, have been researching hydroponics for three years in the base alone with their dog Sally. Captain Benson arrives Saturn 3 with Hector, incapable to controlling his emotions he transfers his homicidal tendency and insanity to Hector. Now Major Adam and Alex are trapped in the station with a dangerous psychopath robot.

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Assassin’s Creed (2016)

Assassin’s Creed (2016)

Through unlocked genetic memories that allow him to relive the adventures of his ancestor in 15th century Spain, Callum Lynch discovers he’s a descendant of the secret ‘Assassins’ society. After gaining incredible knowledge and skills, he is now poised to take on the oppressive Knights Templar in the present day.

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The Devil Conspiracy (2023)

The Devil Conspiracy (2023)

The hottest biotech company in the world has discovered they can clone history’s most influential people from the dead. Now, they are auctioning clones of Michelangelo, Galileo, Vivaldi, and others for tens of millions of dollars to the world’s ultra-rich. But when they steal the Shroud of Turin and clone the DNA of Jesus Christ, all hell breaks loose.

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